By Kaitlin Gertz
Summer’s here, and so is ninety-degree weather, sunburn, and heatstroke. Of course, the break from school is relaxing, but there’s just no way to stay cool enough to enjoy it. You’re slathering on sunscreen and sweating like a glass of iced tea. Now it’s time to follow your tea and get iced. Take it from the experts at staying cool (like me): there are easy, affordable ways to stay cool this summer, and one of them does include becoming a human ice pop.
The absolute easiest way to stay cool is to stuff yourself inside your fridge. Make sure to clean out any food or drinks that may be blocking your way. This rule also applies to any drawers and shelves that don’t look too important. While you’re at it, have some ice cream. It certainly can’t hurt. An expert tip is to take the ice cream in the fridge with you. Though you may be in a space that’s only 30 cubic feet, you are sticking it to the sun and are more ice-cold than Outkast. (Side effects may include suffocation, hypothermia, panic attacks from claustrophobia, freezer burn, and thoughts of “How could I have been this stupid?”).
In the vein of stupid (which is what your honey might be calling you after this trick) there’s another tip that we can assure helps to keep you cool. Instead of cozying up with 
your boo and smooching, avoid getting heated up. Alternately, you two can do fun couple activities that involve staying cold, like chugging ice water to see who gets brain freeze first. Or if competition isn’t your thing, you can snuggle–just make sure to get a freezable blanket and put it on ice.
Mint is renowned for its fresh, cool flavor. This is your chance to stock up on all things
mint. Mint leaves, gum, candy, jello, toothpaste, scented candles, car fresheners, you name it! You can chew, huff, and smoke all the mint you want if it helps you beat the heat. You may go broke buying all those mint products, but hey, at least you won’t be hot.
Lastly, we all know being cool comes from the inside, not the outside. The best way to avoid the heat is to put on some shades and rock out to the coolest bands. Some recommendations include Vanilla Ice (and “Ice Ice Baby”), Coldplay, Snow Patrol, and Arctic Monkeys. You have to let the spirit of those cooler than you move through you. Listening to cool bands makes you cooler, after all. But most importantly, you have to chill out and not stress.
So if you’re worried about getting too hot this summer, don’t. There are a plethora of options to help you escape the heat, from stuffing yourself inside a fridge to smoking mint (but not weed; drugs aren’t cool) and listening to the chilliest bands. Whether it be inside or out, you can always be cool.
Kaitlin Gertz is a Sophomore at Barbara Ingram
Post Script Magazine. 